Dating tips from Therapist Diane DuBois

Diane’s Top Ten Dating Tips

(download pdf)

1. Know what you want. For example, do you ultimately want a committed relationship, or are you just dating for fun right now? It helps to define this before you start dating.
2. If you want a long-term committed relationship, wait at least a few dates before talking about that (unless the other person brings it up first*). There’s no need to rush things. *Note: this could be a red flag, but not necessarily.
3. Consider having 3 dates before deciding “against” someone, if there is at least some kind of connection (for example, you have great conversations). Sometimes that “ love connection” possibility doesn’t come up until a few dates in.
4. Don’t hang out forever if it’s not flowing. Time spent with one person where there’s not a good connection is time that you’re not available for someone else.
5. Take care of yourself! Exercise, eat healthy, take time for yourself to stay balanced. You’ll be better able to determine who is a good match for you the more centered you are.
6. Watch for red flags. For instance, He/She calls all the time before really to know you, or seems possessive, or professes undying love after two dates.
7. Be wary of the person who asks few questions who asks few questions about you, and mostly talks about themselves.
8. Figure out your "must-haves" and things you just can't or won't deal with. For example, "I need to be with someone who has liberal politics that are similar to mine" or "I cannot be with a heavy drinker".
9. If you are just dating for fun, make sure you are having fun!
10. Continue to nurture and communicate with your family and friends. If you trust their judgement, you can enlist them inhelping you discern what is healthy versus unhealthy dating behavior.

Bonus Tip! Consider waiting several months before being sexual, and when you are sexual follow safe sex guidelines.

Are you dating? Are you unsure if you're making good decisions about who, when, and how long to date someone? I can help! In the very first counseling session, we will look at your goals for dating. Whether you are very shy or outgoing, date a lot or a little, together we will develop a plan that is right and comfortable for you.