Diane's Grieving Tips

Top 10 Things NOT to Say When Someone is Grieving
  1. " He/she's in a better place."
  2. "Try to focus on the positive."
  3. "It's time to move on".
  4. "You'll feel better in a few weeks/months/a year."
  5. "Get rid of everything that reminds you of him/her."
  6. "He/she would have wanted you to get over it quickly."
  7. "You need to get out more."
  8. "You're living in the past."
  9. "Don't be angry" or "Don't be sad."
  10. "He/she had a good life."

A few more....

  • And, for someone whose life partner has died:
    "You'll find someone else".
  • In the case of a miscarriage:
    "When are you going to start trying again?"
                         or
    "It's for the best; the baby wouldn't have been normal anyhow".
  • And, if someone's lost a beloved pet:
    "When are you going to get another one?"

Other Grieving Articles

The Four Tasks of Mourning (by William Worden, Ph.D.)

Supporting a Grieving Family (Reprinted with permission from SHARE Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support Inc.)


Poetry

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile, the world goes on.
Meanwhile, the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~ Rumi ~

The Guest House 

This being human is a guest house. 
Every morning a new arrival. 

A joy, a depression, a meanness, 
some momentary awareness comes 
as an unexpected visitor. 

Welcome and entertain them all! 
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, 
who violently sweep your house 
empty of its furniture, 
still, treat each guest honorably. 
He may be clearing you out 
for some new delight. 

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, 
meet them at the door laughing, 
and invite them in. 

Be grateful for whoever comes, 
because each has been sent 
as a guide from beyond.

Mary M Green 

I'm Gone now, but I'm still very near. 
Death can never separate us. 
Each time you feel a gentle breeze, 
It's my hand caressing your face. 
Each time the wind blows, 
It carries my voice whispering your name. 
When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly, 
Think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place. 
When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face, 
It's me placing soft kisses. 
At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly. 
I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight. 
For never forget you're the apple of my eye.

San Francisco therapist Diane DuBois
San Francisco Therapist Diane DuBois
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